Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
