I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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