Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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