oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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