Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
