Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
