Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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