thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
