Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
