i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
