the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
