If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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