There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
