I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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