Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
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