I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
be right there i have to get my cape
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
