I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
