Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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