It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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