Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
