We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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