we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
