dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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