Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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