Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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