It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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