I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
