I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
