Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
