I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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