He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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