I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
