Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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