She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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