is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
