it glows. i had to have it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
