i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
