I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
