Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
