If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
