I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
