so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
