Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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