ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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