awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
