he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
