WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
