Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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