I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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