I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
too bad you live with your parents still
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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