she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
