"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
