Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
