forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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