The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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