Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
