too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
